We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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