Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
