Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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