The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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