i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
