Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
