The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
