I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
ok first of all what the fuck
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
