singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
