I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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