I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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