imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
