Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
