Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
