help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
