One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
