we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
