i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
