I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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