hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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