My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
