Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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