you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
