i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
