Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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