Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
