Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
