dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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