He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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