I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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