So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
