my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
