I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
