I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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