Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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