what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
