you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
