I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
