There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
