i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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