My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
