so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
