jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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