I feel great
I just peed on a car
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
