I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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