She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
