She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
