My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
P.S. I can't hear my feet
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
