Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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