Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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